Goldmind's Unwind

M•E•A•N •C•U•I•S•I•N•E

by numbsain

Welcome to the Mean Cuisine Gore-May Kitchen where victuals victimize you and we light the gas in gastronomic delights. Specializing in Killinary Klassics that everyone will bring up at the dinner table. You don't need reservations because once they see the menu most people already have reservations. Hope you brought your cast iron stomach and plenty of Ipecac, or at least a Nelly Fortado CD.


SALADS

Seizure Salad—Just like Grand Maul used to make.
Wal-Dwarf Salad—We tossed in a Dwarf.
Spin-itch Salad—Spinach and Fresh Baby Poison Ivy
Anti-Christ-O Salad—With Deviled Eggs and Mortal-Della

ENTREES

Arroz Con Polio—It's Cripple-icious!
Beef Swellington—Swollen Welts of Black Anguish Beef.
Chicken Tetrachloride—Juicy Chunks in Solvent Sauce.
Kung Fu Chicken—You kill teacher, WHY? WHY? WHY?
Carnage Asada—Bloody Marinated Steak
Beef Never Loins—So now it’s gotta loin the hard way.
Rodney King Duck—Can’t we all just get a leg?
Wreck of Lamb—Treated worse than veal even.
Ratatat-KaBLOOEEY—A semi automatic favorite.
Mobster Tail—It sleeps with fishes.

HOMA-SIDE DISHES

Rigor-Mortoni—It’s Pasta Way.
Potatos Augh! Rotten!—But It’s still good.
Torture-lini Al Pest Control—Served by the Orkin Man.
Fried Calamity-mari—Deep Fried until Rubbery.
Sexually Assaulted Peanuts—De-virginia-nized peanuts.

RISE AND SHINERS

Decapitated Coffee—Won’t keep you up.
Lo Cal Egg Beaters—When you’re on a die-et.
Eggs Bent Dick—Ouch! That's gotta hurt.
Incontinental Breakfast—Depends® how hungry you are.
Cold Cereal Killer—Killoggs, Genocide Mills, Postal.
Agent Orange Juice—With Bloody Pulp.

LUNCH WITH A PUNCH

Feel Awful Sandwich—We won't have ta-bully you into it.
Chopped Off Liver—It was about to go anyway.
Poverty-Stricken-Boy Sandwich—Worse off than a Poorboy.
Billy Club Sandwich—Nobody Beats Ours.
Nuclear Submarine Sandwich—Dive! Dive!
Past Trauma Sandwich—You'll Need Therapy.

DESSERTS STRESSED

Pineapple Upside-Yo-Head Cake—A Tropical Treat.
Terror-Me-Sue—Rum for your lives!
Tres Leeches—This dessert sucks.
Pain De Choke-a-Lot—Goes down great with the Heimlich.
Napalmier—Served scalding hot and sticks to your ribs.
Date Rape Loaf—You know her so its not as much work.
Rhubarb-Wire Pie—You can’t escape.
Apple-Schrapnel—with Grenade-ine flavoring.


Sponsored by...
Maalox
Alka-Seltzer
Rolaids
Tums
Brioschi
Pepsid AC
Pepto-Bismol
Mylanta