Saturday, December 22, 2007


Baboon: Alright listen up! The eagle flies at midnight. That'll be your cue, big cats. You need to have the perimeter secured by 12:15am. We're looking at two guards. So you have five minutes to stalk 'em, ten minutes to polish 'em off.

Lionesses: Baby, that's fast-food for us! / Yeah, the UN-happy meal! Hah! / Hee-hee-hee, you know that's right, girl!

Baboon: Then we spring the zebras, okapis, bongos, antelope, gazelles ...y'know, the "legs." The simians are next, so swing by here and we'll follow you guys to the main gate.

Zebra: Okay, Babs. We'll lead the way, but make sure your 'mates stay with the herd.

Chimp: Hey, don't worry about us: monkey see, monkey do... just like clockwork baby.

Okay, next order of business is the main gate. Who's taking care of that?

Elephant: What's the load rating on that bad boy?

Spider monkey: 4000 lb iron gate, 2 ton steel latch, so I'd say... 2500 lbs of pressure should snap it, if you hit it right at the latch.

Sheeit! This's gon' be a baby elephant walk.

Spider monkey: Yeah but you gotta hit the latch side, not the hinge side. Don't forget!

Elephant: Forget? Monkey, Ple-e-ease.

Flamingo: Hey, shouldn't we fly the coop next?

Baboon: If you want the whole neighborhood to know about it! You guys are like a neon sign.

Crocodile: May I suggest we release the meerkats, prairie dogs and possibly the more diminutive primates at an earlier juncture so as to initiate the pre-navigational reconnoissance well-prior to our departure en masse?

Gorilla: Who talks like that? Could you repeat that in plain old junglese, Professor O'Dile?

Cheetah: He means, we should send out the scouts early-on so we know where the hell we're goin'. He's right y'know, 'cause once I make my move, I'm like; Ptweeeeooo! Outta there like a bullet. It would be nice to have a target so I don't overshoot.

Zebra: Oh, you mean like that time my little baby sister gave you that head fake back on the Serengeti? Ha Ha Ha!

Other Zebras:
HA-HA-HA Hee-Hee Whineee-e-e Ha-Ha! Zeeb', she put a MOVE on 'im! He was halfway to Mozambique by the time he figured it out! HEE-HEE HA-HA ho- ho.


Cheetah: SHUT-UP!!! They wasn't talkin' to you, hyena!

Baboon: Settle down! We gotta herd together!

Lion: Damn right! Nobody's eatin' NOBODY until we're all safely back home! And you'd think certain SCAVENGERS would remember who does the dirty work for them.

Buzzard: No shit, Holmes! Don't be dissin' the paw you should be kissin'!

Lionesses: Thass right baby! You don't taste 'em 'til we waste 'em! / HA-HA! You go girl! / High four! (Fub!) / Tell 'em sistah!

Lion: Right! Now back to business!

Hyenas: Tee hee giggle, sorry your Royal Majesty. We have no bone to pick with, er, without you.

Rhino: clomp clomp clomp clomp CLOMP CLOMP CLOMP CLOMP CLOMP! (skreech!) What'd I miss?

Elephant: Oh, so nice of you to show up, Mr. Nocerus. You think this is all a BIG GAME?

Rhino: Hey, I figured you were still in the planning stages, what do you need me for?

Lorakeet: Psst, dude, that okapi over there just said: "Well it sure ain't for your brains, you bone-head!"


How the hell did you hear that?

Rhino: A little birdie told me!

Baboon: Now Look! We're never gonna pull this off if we keep fighting amongst ourselves. Now I don't expect love and devotion between predator and prey, but you herbivores; can't you all just get along?

Speaking of herbivores, is there a giraffe in here? Why don't he speak up?

Thpeak up? I normally have to thpeak down to you, thilly.

Chimp: Hey, how's the weather up there, Stretch?

Giraffe: Gee, that wath tho original.

Hippo: Du-u-h, hey you guys, isn't there like, an ocean between here and Africa?

To be continued...

by numbsain

Click here for the exciting conclusion to Zoobreak!