Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Unknowable Trivia Quiz

Here's a test to see if you know things you can't possibly know. Why? Because no one knows, besides the person who the question is about. But you never know.

How does Stevie Wonder perceive the color blue?
  1. As a gentle rocking motion from side to side.
  2. As a cool wetness with a slightly minty freshness.
  3. As the feeling of being an old man whose dog done up and left town with another man and his woman done got hit by a truck too.
  4. As red.
How powerful is Oprah?
  1. She is the most powerful entity in the universe, even more powerful than God but he still won’t be a guest on her show.
  2. She controls the FCC, all the networks and she owns a small country whose borders are defined by the outermost extremes of her butt.
  3. She can bend spoons with her mind and the hair on her cats back frizzes up when she stares at him but that’s about it.
  4. She can bench press 208 pounds and she squats 450.
How old is Tom jones?
  1. 475 years old and he’s from Transylvania.
  2. 89 but he keeps himself looking young by making tea from all the panties thrown on stage.
  3. The current Tom Jones is 26 years old. There have been 17 different Tom Joneses throughout his career.
  4. Old enough to know better than to wear those pants.
What does Britney Spears fantasize about?
  1. Going on stage wearing clothes and singing well.
  2. Getting arrested, thrown into a holding cell, stripped naked, hosed down and raped by 7 officers then left alone to escape and break into the storage room where they keep the confiscated drugs, doing them all, getting caught and the whole ordeal starts all over again.
  3. Being Celine Dion.
  4. Getting photographed sitting in a short skirt with no panties on and spreading her... oh, nevermind.
What is Michael Jackson thinking?
  1. A black man. No not a black man, a white man. Yes, yes NO! A white... woman YES, YES! A white woman...yes WAIT! A... Alien YES! That’s it! An alien, yes... Do aliens have noses?
  2. I’ll show them. I have to show them the true me, because they don’t know the true me. They must see who I really am, past this facade. I must strip away the facade...
  3. I just want to cuddle with him, that’s all. How much could it cost?
  4. Feathers do filthy cold beatings. Pressure? Hand roof tile me you big wheely bar! my agent smells of lilac. Green wolves meet tonight in dashes of pillow monkeys. True. Come on Kevin, we have old barn flies ticking. Smile portly mister miser...
What would Abraham Lincoln say if he were alive today?
  1. A crackhouse divided against itself cannot stand... and besides I aint scored in seven years, can I get some hos all up in this beeyotch.
  2. How did could this happen? This is a joke right? A penny? And they put Ben on the C-note? But why? I realize I’m no Adonis but... a penny?
  3. I knew it was a mistake to emancipate them. Now they’re taking over!
  4. ...But my favorite one isthe Big & Nasty! Oh, sorry, yes I meant Big & Tasty and the restaurant is Scottish I believe... Can we go again?
What really happened with the whole Richard Gere thing?
  1. Hi doc, I’ve got a pimple on my back. (Psst It’s Richard Gere, I heard him say he has a pimple on his ass) (What? Richard Gere has some purple on his ass?) (I just heard Richard Gere has a pickle up his ass)... [later that day] What I heard was, apparently Richard Gere stuck a gerbil up his ass.
  2. “I need work, how about a publicity stunt? Anything, just to get people talking about me.” “Anything?” “I don’t care what it is, just get my name out there!” “O-o-k-a-a-ay...”
  3. Damn! It won’t come out! Honey would you drive me to the doctor? No it’s not the cat again, I’m not stupid.
  4. Look, My maid found a suppository I dropped in the bathroom. If she would do her damn job it wouldn’t have had fuzz all over it!
What does Donald Trump do when he’s all alone?
  1. Dumps a few wheelbarrows full of money out on the bed and then jumps up and down in it yelling “I’m Rich! I’m Rich!”
  2. He looks in the mirror and says: You like me? Do you know who I am? YOU DON’T!?
  3. He wanders around his mansion looking for something interesting to play with, gets frustrated and ends up on the floor with GI Joe going; “Pkew! Pkew! A- a- a- a- a-! Gotchoo sucka!
  4. Flips through a copy of Seventeen Magazine looking for his next wife to buy.
How many stars are their in the universe?
  1. It is not known because of our inability to travel great distances but we do know that most of them live in Hollywood. Someday scientists hope to use technology to chart all of the stars and give them each a gold star on Hollywood's “Walk of Fame.”
  2. It would be impossible because the extents of the universe are infinite and as time distorts space, many of the stars whose light we see now, have burned out millions of years ago.
  3. 75,000 total but by using mirrors and prerecorded video, it looks like alot more. Also they are constantly being recycled which is why there is no parking on your street between 8am and 10am Tuesdays.
  4. It depends on what country, state and city you live in. In Los Angeles there are three to 7 stars in the sky on any given night. The rest are police helicopters. In the “Outback” of Australia, the Aborigines may enjoy as many as 4 billion discernible stars on the same night. Which doesn’t mean they’re so much better than us, they just get more stars. So what, we have more crack ho’s and some of them even twinkle.
Where is Waldo's penis?
  1. Sticking out of a hairy patch just below his naval.
  2. In Mrs. Waldos mouth. Waldo ran out the door a while ago.
  3. In a safe deposit box in Switzerland
  4. Waldo has no penis. His real name is Hillary Clinton
Who writes this crap?
  1. Who the hell knows?
  2. Who the hell cares?
  3. What the hell is this stuff on my shoe?
  4. I think he’s kind of cute and funny and he’s really good in bed! Tee-hee, giggle. Come back to bed Numbsain. You can play with your silly blog later. I want you NOW! Tee-hee... (GASP!) NUMBSAIN! Oh My! That’s HUGE! I’ve never seen such a big zit on your back. Can I pop it honey? Ple-e-ase?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Whatever,whoever, guess he is kinda cute, we will never know, that will not deter us from asking, moove oer i wanna get back in