Wednesday, December 5, 2007

The Evolution of Reality TV

by numbsain

8:47.52 AM:
Robin is awakened by a leaf blower one block away.

Robin: (Ugh! I hate Mexicans... God I really am racist, that sucks. Shit, my arm's asleep... I gotta pee really bad.)

As she gets out of bed, she realizes her panties are kinda bunched up in her crack so she pulls them most of the way out and walks into the bathroom rubbing her eyes.

Robin: (That's weird, Eddie actually put the seat back down... )

SPLOOSH! Robin has perfect timing on her release. As she pees, she really lets one rip, it kind of hurts a little, she starts to doze off, bumps her elbow on the sink which wakes her up. She wipes, stands up, looks in the mirror, her make-up is only a little smudged, she wipes one spot with her finger and heads for the kitchen. She heard Eddie making coffee.

Robin: Morning. (Oops! I didn't know Brian was down here too. And I'm in my underwear. Yeesh! Gotta play it off I guess. I'll bet he's loving this.)

Eddie: Morning Robin. (Jesus what a tramp. Good thing Brian's gay.)

Brian: (Best thing I ever did telling Eddie I'm gay, he obviously told Robin... God she's even hotter than Jen! ...But Eddie keeps flexing in front of me... God what a dork.)

Robin: (What's that smell? nobody took out the garbage? Guess I have to...)

Robin opens the cabinet under the sink and bends over to tie the bag closed. She realizes if she ties it down there, it'll give the guys a longer look at her butt. She also keeps her knees locked.

Eddie: (Oh man, she is really being obvious.)

Robin: (This is pretty subtle...)

Brian: (DAY-YUM!!!!)

As she closes the bag a fly buzzes right by her face.

Robin: (Stupid fly! What does it think I am, white trash? Why did it almost land on my eyelid? Darn it!)

Just then Eddie farts very quietly.



Eddie: Haha, Who just farted?

Brian: (Oh, it was obviously Eddie.)

Robin: (Oh, it was obviously Eddie.)

Eddie: (Whew! I played that one off perfectly.)

Robin pours herself a cup of coffee in a mug that has a dried speck on it. She did the dishes last night so she pretends it's clean. She goes to take a sip but it's too hot. Eddie coughs. Brian shifts his weight onto his other foot and turns the page of the newspaper hoping he's read enough articles so that nobody will judge him for looking at the comics, which is why he picked it up. He likes "Jump Start" because its black people and he wants to be more "black." He feels he's too waspy.

1 minute 14 seconds go by where no one does anything then Robin realizes she has to pee again. She goes into the bathroom, sits down and gets her period.

Robin: (Oh great. I'm completely out of pads. ...I'm gonna use one of Eddies socks, he'll just think it got lost in the laundry... feels kind of scratchy.)

Now Robin has to put on some pants so she also puts on a skimpier top (off camera). Just then, Jen walks in from the backyard tracking mud on the floor so she calls the dog in so she'll have someone to blame it on.

Jen: Oh Bandit, your getting mud everywhere.

Bandit: (What is she stupid? Those are HER paw prints) Bark, Bark!

Bandit goes and drinks out of his bowl then nuzzles Jens crotch so she looks like she peed on herself a little. Robin comes back into the kitchen moments later and first thing she sees is that Jen peed on herself a little.

Robin: (Ugh! Blondes are so disgusting. I mean really girl, did you even wipe?) Morning Pookie!

Jen: Morning Snookums! Ooh! I love that top. (and i'm sure Eddie and Brian are diggin' it too, you slut. ...and I'm sorry but, if Brian is gay, I'm Mrs. Butterworth! It was hilarious the way his hands were shaking when I asked him to unhook my bra.)

Brian: Oh Jennifer darling, you must tell me where you got those shorts you're wearing, they're... (Shit, what would a fag say!?) ...the living end! (ooh that sucked! that didn't sound gay at all. They're on to me now for sure!)

Eddie: (God! Brian is such a fag. I wonder if he's like checking me out all the time.)

Jen: I can't remember but you wanna go in my room and I'll take them off and you can try em on? (Ha ha ha! Go ahead, try and speak now you phony...)

Brian: h-h.... h-h-h... (C'mon mouth, speak!) h-h-h... H-H-h-h.... (Jesus, I can't speak!) H-H-H-H-h-h...


You're watching Way Too Real TVEvery single boring little detail.

Cut to Commercial.