Friday, December 7, 2007

From the Book of Guinnessis, Ch. VII, vs. XI.

By Guinness

"How Jesus Christ was Named"
The True Story - abridged

Sayeth the Lord:
Circa 0 A.D., a virginal vessel who was so nameth Mary, conceived by the hand of thine Lord, a Child. With haste, she was, by the hand of thine Lord thy God, betrothed to the able and gifted servant of thine Lord, the town carpenter, Joe, who believeth, through the wisdom of thine Lord, that she remaineth intact. Some nine months passeth, and whilst the Virgin was able to conceive without spermatazoa, and the Carpenter wielded his hammer with God given potence, and wast never without good wood, they foundeth themselves without a crib for the approaching Child.

The Virgin and the Carpenter undertooketh to seeketh a birthing place. They knocketh upon several doors of thine Lord's servants, and were consistently refuseth admittance, they hath traveled for some time, and reeketh of body odor, mule and fowl breath. By the will of the Lord our God, they didst happen upon a meager residence of beasts.

"A manger!" exclaimeth Joe "Poifect!" [manger, French, verb, translation "to eat"]. Mary layeth herself down in the hay, and moments later, a three month old, curly headed cherubic Jew boy layeth himself in the manger.

Three drapery-cladeth men with darkened skin didst then arrive. "We are nameth Goldmind, Franky Sense and Merve, and we bestoweth humbly our native gifts upon this Holy Child. We humbly ask, what is the name bestown upon the Son of God?" Mary arose, palms facing the bright star which shineth over Bethlehem, face tilted downward [picture the statue in Vito and Giavanna Consiglione's front yard], and she didst shrieketh "Jesus Aitch Christ! I'm tired, d'ya mind if I catch some sleep already!"

The three departeth the starlighted manger and carried forth throughout the land the name of the Holy Son, Jesus Christ.