Have you ever noticed how elders don't really bother to talk about things anymore? They just have those old sayings, gems of wisdom and tidbits of advice that sum up every situation. Here's a multiple choice quiz to see if you were really listening or were they casting pearls before swine.You can't keep a good man...
a. wrapped in plastic in the freezer
b. From wearing your lingerie
c. a secret
d. down
Necessity is the mother of...
a. evil
b. Hercules
c. all battles
d. invention
You can't make a silk purse...
a. out of a monkeys scrotum
b. out of a sows ear
c. for a dead nurse
d. without breaking a few worms
Many a truth...
a. is said in jest
b. is said at gun point
c. is said with a flourish and a wink
d. is oft' uncouth
The grass is always greener...
a. if you water it
b. when you’re drunk
c. on the other side of the fence
d. in Kentucky in the spring
Father knows..
a. bourbon
b. best
c. squat
d. we hate him
You can take the kid out of the country...
a. but you can't leave him in Mexico
b. but you can't take the country out of the kid
c. but you can't launch him into space
d. But you can't keep running forever
Children should be seen...
a. and not run over
b. within the confines of a cell
c. and not heard
d. and not smelled
All work and no play makes Jack...
a. $$$RICH$$$
b. a dull boy
c. a valuable employee
d. have a midlife crisis at 25
Don't count your chickens...
a. out loud, others are trying to count too
b. before they're hatched
c. on the fingers that you're lickin'
d. feathers, it will take too long
A cat has nine...
a. lives
b. toes
c. ways to recline
d. thoughts a day
You can't teach an old dog...
a. algebra
b. to play dead, it's tempting fate
c. new tricks
d. to walk himself
It's better to have loved and lost...
a. all your teeth than date Lorena Bobbit
b. after you've brushed and flossed
c. count than to only love once
d. than never to have loved at all
The best things in life are...
a. taken
b. free
c. sex, drugs and rock and roll
d. really great
A bird in the hand..
a. is worth two in the bush
b. is usually terrified and will bite you
c. is the best way to deal with rude drivers
d. feels really weird
Time flies when you’re...
a. bored and want to see how fast they can go
b. old
c. having fun
d. going 299,792,458 meters per second
When the going gets tough...
a. the going gets rough
b. the meat gets tender
c. the tough strut their stuff
d. the tough get going
You can lead a horse to water...
a. but you can't lead a fish to hay
b. but you can't give him a bubble bath
c. by giving him clear written directions
d. but you can't make him drink
Winners never quit...
a. so don't try to beat them
b. and quitters never win
c. that's why there are so few of them left alive
d. and witters never quin
Beauty is only...
a. for women
b. until you get old, wrinkly, and saggy
c. skin deep
d. a matter of the right surgeon
Never let them see you...
a. pick your nose and wipe it under the table
b. sweat
c. naked
d. steal cash from your mom's purse
Monkey see...
a. monkey do
b. see? look at the monkey! Isn't he funny
c. all
d. you, monkey kill you
Curiosity killed the...
a. surprise
b. cat
c. lights
d. mood
A watched pot...
a. never grows old
b. head always gets caught
c. Is a happy pot
d. never boils
People who live in glass houses...
a. are exhibitionists
b. shouldn't throw stones
c. are in the clear
d. don't need windows
You can't squeeze blood out of...
a. a hamster
b. a dead hemophiliac
c. a turnip
d. kosher meat
Don't throw good money...
a. in the toilet
b. after bad
c. at beggars
d. out with the bath water
He who laughs last...
a. cries first
b. laughs best
c. is the stupidest
d. voted for Goldminds Unwind
The letter of the right answer for each is indicated to the left of the correct choice.
by numbsain
