Sunday, November 18, 2007

Lady Shady Hosts a Seance

by Goldmind

[Lady Shady is conducting a seance and is attempting to call upon a spirit]

I feel a presence... The spirit is here... Spirit, are you here?

(the spirit answers) "I am here."

In this room?

"In this room."

Near the table?

"Near the table."



Nevermind....Oh, spirit, what is thy name?



"That's what I said."

Do you have a last name oh Bob?

"No - my mom didn't think me worthy - Of COURSE I have a last name. Doesn't everyone?"

What is your last name?

"What difference does it make? Why do you need it?"

It's okay if you don't want to disclose your last name.

"I have no problem telling you my last name. It's Smith."

Where are you oh Bob Smith?

"Bob's fine, and I already told you, I'm right next to you, sitting down on a couch, watching a football game."

Can you tell us whe...did you just say you were watching a football game?

"Yeah. It's almost the 4th quarter; maybe we could pick things up a bit."

You can watch TV?

"Of course I can watch TV. It's a free country ain't it? There's no law against it."

Spirit Bob, where are you from?

"Oh fleshy human, I'm from Georgia."

Are you in Georgia now?

"Are you a retard? I told you I was in the room with you all. Are YOU in Georgia? No. We're all in California, right?"

Why are you in California?

"Why are you in California? I always thought the land was overpriced."

Well... how is it that you came to be here?

"How the hell should I know? I'm not a rocket scientist."

Can you tell us about the future Bob?

"If I could tell you about the future, you think I'd be watching this game? Maybe you shoulda called Nostradumass."

We...we wish to understand something about you...who you are...or who you were.

"I WAS Bob Smith. I AM Bob Smith, still. I like football, especially the dawgs. They have a great freshman running back this year. And they have this quarterba... hey, hold up a sec...that's my other line. Hey...I gotta take this. Are we done?"

We thank you oh wise spirit Bob Smith. And we bid thee peace on thy journey towards union with the All-That-Is and we therefore close this circle of white light and divine inspiration with the banishing of the lesser pentagram.

"Okey dokey then... whatever you sa-TOUCHDOWN!!!"