Friday, May 23, 2008

Top 40 Worst Pet Names
(nicknames couples give each other)

He calls her “Bunny Boo”, she calls him “Huggy Bear.” We had them shot.

Honey, Baby, Sweetheart, Darling. We all know the standards. Then after they get to know each other, they may get into, Lover Doll, Sweety Pie, Pumpkin, Sugar Lips. Often these type of affectionate monikers are said with your mouth all scrunched up like a pig snout.

But things get a little out of control in the outer extremes of society—midwestern trailer parks or Beverly Hills—anywhere that's isolated from normal people with a modicum of good taste. Therein lies the topic of this list. Sick, nauseatingly saccharine, terminally cutesy, or even just berzerk pet names that make you want to just smack the living snot-lights out of someone. This list is in no particular order and I’m not about to try to determine which is “thee” absolute worst.

Warning; May cause nausea, dry heaves or diarrhea, do not read on a full stomach.

  • Poopsy Doodles
  • Schnookums
  • Lover Bunny
  • Pooky Bear
  • Wittle Nookie Nuk-Nuks
  • Kissy Kibbles
  • Smoochy Buckets
  • Fluff Bumps
  • Kitten Pickles
  • Pudgy Pops
  • Oojy Coojy Woojy Moojy Poo-Poo
  • Honey Bunny Buckles
  • Cookie Pops
  • Squeegee Cakes
  • Silly Willy Jigabilly
  • Puddin’ Knickers
  • Monkey Chicklets
  • Moo Moo Flops
  • Snuggle Sausage
  • Love Puddle
  • Moushy Goushy Toushy
  • Snoopy Snails
  • Fuzzy Jujubear
  • Lovecycles
  • Booboo Bungalo
  • Licky Stickypoo
  • Chickadoodle Doo Doo
  • Muffy Peckers
  • Fudge Nuggets
  • Juicy Pooper
  • Creamy Jiggles
  • Flubber Cheeks
  • Puppy Puddles
  • Bunny Scuppers
  • Cuddle Chutney
  • Moo Goo Guy Pan
  • Mr. Binkle
  • Squeaky Wiggles
  • Coochie Custard
  • Honey Bunches of Cuddle Muffins

If you or anyone you know addresses their little Pun'kin Pudd'n this way, even in the privacy of their home, please, do the world a favor and shoot them right away.

More About Pet Names

A pet name can come in handy if used tastefully. Many people use: “Baby” or “Honey” exclusively for their partner, especially when they’re in the habit of cheating on them, or simply have multiple partners. This avoids the embarrassing and often incriminating indiscretion of accidentally calling a person by the wrong name. Especially when they know the person whose name you call them...and she has really big tatas. Nearly impossible to weasel your way out of that one. But here’s an excuse I have used successfully;

“I’m sorry Jenny, it must be because Abdul just called recently and I happened to be thinking about him at that moment when I was having an orgasm.”

Of course parents are notorious for giving their kids silly nicknames. I once overheard an Arab mother calling her child “Pumpkin” in a thick middle-eastern accent. For some reason I was compelled to say, “Pumpkin? what an unusual name.” She turned to me and proudly replied, ”Ees Amehreecan neecknehme.” And I’ll never forget the middle aged, balding, Jewish man who, while swinging his baby in the park, had a momentary lapse and shouted in falsetto, “Who’s a cutey-pie macaroni head? Who’s a cutey-pie macaroni head?” Immediately realizing what he had done, he looked around hoping no one heard his outburst but, much to his chagrin, there I was grinning from ear to ear. I had no choice but to walk right over to him and slap him silly, after which he thanked me.

By Numby Wumby Bear...He’s so cute you just want to kiss him and hug him and cuddle him and...

33 comments:

Anonymous said...

You forgot "Snuffer Chicken"

Anonymous said...

I am glad you said that!!

Anonymous said...

Sugar booger

Anonymous said...

one of my favorites is "oogie bear"

Sally said...

Moo moo flops is just...priceless

Unknown said...

Lol what about sugar britches or love dumplings ha ha ha

Unknown said...

Lol what about sugar britches or love dumplings ha ha ha

Anonymous said...

What about Munkiie ?

Anonymous said...

My girl calls me smacks.

Anonymous said...

I call my man pookiepoodinkie ;)

Anonymous said...

Omfg Dre... lol^

Anonymous said...

Awww JONNIEpoobear its not like we put names or anything ;) i love youuuuu baby.

Anonymous said...

I love you too Babyboo ;)

Anonymous said...

What about "Pookie Bear" or "Love muffins"

Anonymous said...

This is a bunch of poo

Unknown said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Y u h8in 4 poopsy doodles??¿? ;)

Unknown said...

I use Booberry

Anonymous said...

My boyfriend calls me Sugar Cookie. And I love it. Lol

Unknown said...

Boo Boo Kitty Fuck

Anonymous said...

Bitch

Anonymous said...

Had a friend just try to wake her bf up by gently calling him "Baby Bunny" over and over in the most childish voice possible. I wanted to puke. Kept saying, "I don't think he's gonna wake up like that," but of course she wouldn't listen. It didn't work.

Anonymous said...

this is here for eternity

Unknown said...

Mine calls me garbage

Gary Aguiar said...

Jesus. You forgot flubber bubber chicken butt

Gary Aguiar said...

For real man. Gotta love Jay-Bob 50 Buck's little man put that s*** in my hand

Gary Aguiar said...

Add alcohol you can call a man anything and he'll smile. Add some lingerie big titties tight ass you could call him dip s*** but licker and he's still smiling

Veronica Hebert said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Aisha Menon said...

Unknown said.
Had a companion simply endeavor to wake her bf up by tenderly calling him "Infant Bunny" again and again in the most puerile voice conceivable. I needed to vomit. Continued saying, "I don't believe he's going to wake up that way," obviously she wouldn't tune in. It didn't work.
cute matching couple names

Erin T. Aardvark said...

I've got a couple for you:

Precious Peanut
Snuggly Wuggly Buggly Boo
Honey Bunny Butter Butt
Little Baby Bunny Bumpkins
Little Honey Bunny Sugar Pumpkin Pie

Okay, all of those I have used (except "Precious Peanut" and "Honey Bunny Butter Butt") in something I wrote about ten years ago. Precious Peanut was something an ex-friend used in her stories, and "Honey Bunny Butter Butt" was something my dad called my mom once (or was it "little baby butter butt"? I don't remember). My mom used to call my dad "Little Lamby" at times, too.

Quotes and Jokes said...

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Anonymous said...

pimple pookie

Anonymous said...

Had an uncertain and indefinite article of which is a companion simply endeavor to wake to a certain female individual of whom has bf up by tenderly calling pertained to a certain male individual "infant bunny" again as well as again in a certain and definite article of which is a most puerile voice conceivable. The individual of which you are listening to needed to vomit. Continued saying, "i don't believe the individual of male features 's currently replacing the current location to a different location to wake up referring to the specific and current subject matter of way," obviously the female homo sapien wouldn't tune in. Was or is mentioned to identify someone or something didn't work.