Thursday, May 22, 2008

Memoirs of an Ex-Gigolo
“Older gals aren't as tight...with money.”
written by numbsain

Though a strapping young man, I was strapped for cash. I couldn’t make a decent living so I decided to make an indecent living. My dream was to be an escort...not drive one. I had a probe...but it needed a new transmission. There were a lot of lonely middle-aged matrons out there willing to fork over big bucks to get forked over and over by big bucks like me. They called me “Tootsie Roll” ‘cause I last a long time. While the money was good, It was always hard, but it wasn’t always easy.

Until I met Tina Fletcher. A sizzling hot MIPF (mother I’m paid to f*ck) that must have found the fountain of age defying cream ‘cause you’d swear she was 25 if she was a day, and 18 if she was a night. But her vintage put her at double that. Tina was freshly widowed and out of the dating loop, I met her in the parking lot of Gelson’s Market trying to get into her Ichipuzi drop-top. I whipped out my trusty slim jim which I kept concealed in my trousers, and had her on the road in under a minute flat. After negotiating a little palm grease of course.

She asked if she could see me later and I said no, I wasn’t leaving. She started making noises about it being “too soon” saying she ”wasn’t ready yet.” I told her, “Don’t worry babe, I need a few minutes to get it back up myself.” She said, “I mean, for a relationship.” I said, “Well it won’t be if you keep paying me.” She offered me an entry position with full perks. I said “Dental? Damn!” She produced one from her purse, admitting I was a little hard to swallow. Thus was the start of our torrid relationship but she soon became disenchanted with me—in and out every night—I insisted on keeping my job as a D.J. at a strip joint. She didn’t like my mixing with all those “floozies,” that dated her—nobody says “floozies” anymore. I told her the floozies wouldn’t stop dating her just ‘cause I’m spinning the vinyl. Besides those floozies like my dance mixes and if I shine, that’s a reflection on her.

The relationship finally ended with her, after three whole months, breaking all my records. Which was really mean ‘cause she knew I couldn’t replace my vinyl collection. So the jig was up and the gigolo was down. I got laid off the clock one last time. Soon the only thing mounting was my bills, I wasn’t about to get any more behind from her, so I took matters into my own hands. I was used to getting jerked around by women and I hated having to do it myself. It wasn’t long before I resigned myself to the fact that I was just going to have to eat it. So I started plugging away. I built up my clientelle, made ‘em feel special, and now I kinda like my women not as tight...with money. It’s still always hard, but only because of Viagra.

by numbsain, not about numbsain, nor is that guy numbsains thing...numbsain needs dinner and a movie first.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

all my love,
Helen Back