Monday, May 5, 2008

Womens Sexual Compatibility Survey

Ladies! Complete this survey to see if you are eligible to win an exciting, romantic weekend with the fabulous, fun-filled Numbsain himself!

1. Your partner brings a friend home and suggests the three of you play a little game together. Do you...

a. Strip and shout, “Last one in’s a rotten egg!
b. Tell him if that's what he wants, he's going to have to subdue you, tie you to a tree in the backyard, blindfolded and gagged and take you by force. Then go get the rope.
c. Throw them both out and tell them don’t come back until they have at least five more guys and they’re all wearing hard hats.
d. Get out the monopoly board and call, “Shoe!”

2. You’ve had a long day and you’re exhausted. Your partner starts pawing and kissing you all over. Do you...

a. Tell him to back off, you get enough of that at work.
b. Mace him.
c. Get so into it that a half hour later you realize you’re still in the driveway, the neighbors are watching and your car keys are imbedded into his backside.
d. Fend him off with a silver crucifix. Go in the bedroom, lock the door and masturbate with a porcelain statuette of the Virgin Mary while sobbing your eyes out.

3. You wake up to find your man fast asleep with a nocturnal stiffy. Do you...

a. Start flicking it with your finger and laughing.
b. Paint a face on it and dress it up in doll clothes.
c. Tie a string to it, dip the string in honey and hang it out the window near an ant hill.
d. Ride it until dawn shouting, “Yippeee!”

4. You’re stuck in a traffic jam and you see a cute guy in the car next to you. Do you...

a. Wink, blow him a kiss and then floor it, smashing into the car in front of you.
b. Get naked and play tiddly winks yourself to orgasm while everyone watches.
c. Grab the “club” off the floor and deep throat it for his viewing pleasure.
d. Hold up the sign you keep in your car with your phone number on it in large bold type.

5. You try something kinky to spice things up a bit, but your partners reaction is less than enthusiastic. Do you...

a. Remove the “Undulator 800” from his rear and apologize for being so forward.
b. Tell Pavel, the Bulgarian bodybuilder that you won’t be needing his services tonight.
c. Take off the Snow White costume, tell the dwarfs to stop singing, “Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work we go,” put their tights back on and wait in the living room.
d. Slow down to sixty eight mph because at sixty nine he almost ate it.

6. What turns you on more...

a. Playing paddle ball in booty shorts and a tube top.
b. Going out for a happy meal, then coming home and playing in the sprinkler.
c. Having your top fall off while riding “Gold Rusher” at Magic Mountain.
d. Being hog tied and gang banged by Mariachi band in front of a crowd in Juarez, Mexico.

7. Which type of man has the best chance of getting lucky with you...

a. Any man in uniform as long as it doesn’t say “RotoRooter” or “Orkin” on the pocket.
b. A short, greasy Italian with a glass eye and a nasty temper.
c. A burly, bearded, beer-drinking, flannel shirt wearing lumberjack named Cynthia.
d. The type that has a pulse.

8. What’s your favorite sexual memento...

a. The severed penis of your deceased ex, preserved in formaldehyde.
b. A pair of skid-marked tighty-whities from your high school crush.
c. A dog biscuit.
d. A set of your grandmothers antique doilies with cum stains on them

9. If you really liked a guy but saw he had a one inch penis. Would you...

a. Tell him you’ve never seen a bigger one...(inch penis that is).
b. Mock him mercilessly and send him away.
c. Compliment him on his gorgeous scrotum.
d. Give him an appropriately reduced rate.

10. Which best describes how you see yourself in bed

a. A sexual dynamo who can outdo any woman in all areas of pleasure giving and receiving.
b. A domineering slave driver, demanding to be serviced incessantly without ever reciprocating.
c. A passive, subservient submissive plaything with no will of her own who’ll do whatever she's asked without ever questioning her master.
d. A crazed, maniacal, jungle girl who usually leaves her partner maimed for life.

If you chose any of the answers, congratulations! You win a luxurious, all-expenses-paid-by-you weekend at your home with Numbsain!! You can have your way with him or just put him on a leash in the backyard, either way, he’s all yours!! Just email you’re name and address to Goldmind’s Unwind along with the results of your survey and we’ll tell you where to pick him up. He’s already had his shots and he’s been flea dipped and declawed!!!

disclaimer: Goldminds unwind is not responsible for any losses, damage to furniture or personal injury you may suffer as a result of letting Numbsain into your home. This offer good anywhere in the world, not void where prohibited. Use of numbsain does not constitute prostitution or slavery and no limitations apply on keeping him forever.

by Numbsain...Hey, it never hurts to try...well, maybe sometimes it hurts.


Anonymous said...

How did you get this photo of me?

Anonymous said...

Cameraman is reductive the door that pull a hand: Catch Zhang Bo to take animal animal only really undesigned
Sport weeklyReporter group report is male basket, it is faddish! Just the 81 brunt of sheet of name of selected state male goal accuse Wei Zhangbo, be patted the car model animal that gives indelicate video in the Ceng Chuan before the airport receives this, two people behavior is returned subsequently intimately in all sup, male basket of the China after Zhang Bo also becomes afterwards A couplet and Sun Yue comes to the 3rd two years to come out the player that red hears incident. Of coincidence is, the picture of Sun Yue and Zhang Bo is taken by same group reporter, they are the name is faddish professional dog young photography group. Just last time faddish target is Sun Yue, and this Zhang Bo is patted outside pure fix one's mind on.
The picture of Zhang Bo and animal animal will be not taken on May 9 really, will pat on April 30. Yes, I just examined original intent, the date above will be on April 30, inerrable. And we also had never said this is to will be patted on May 9, just will send them on May 10 just.
At that time, we are the informations that received line person before the plane on animal animal. She enters a plane, tell us with respect to somebody, she can fly to Beijing. Then, we sent a cameraman to waiting to the airport immediately, this is our working way, actually we know who can be received in the airport far from at that time machine, meet with her, we want to look for an opportunity to pat her namely just.
The plane arrived later, after animal animal walks, see each child very tall go maly receiving her, the appearance that two people look very close, have say those who laugh to have. We are done not have at that time too care about, just know till later then the individual calls Zhang Bo, it is 81 groups main force accuses to defend, the team member of group of male basket nation.
We follow them all the way from the airport, look for an opportunity to take a picture. They leave to ate a meal first after the airport, the place is in sunny park on the west there, there is a cafeteria that have a meal on that street, it is all round 8 residence. After they eat a meal, return a boarding house together, after that schoolboy sends animal animal to go upstairs, differ meeting left with respect to next buildings. They are whole the process of meeting has 34 hours about.
Actually we think all the time, [url=]nike air max 95[/url] sports also should follow recreational couple more later, sports recreation is changed, this is big trend, last when Sun Yue accepts you that to interview, I also had said such word. Nevertheless, take a picture this catch up with second Sun Yue that but different. Patted Sun Yue last year that, we also were to get an information beforehand, but the target is Sun Yue; Now year this, our prime target is the woman.
Night of Zhang Bo airport meets 81 groups animal animal admires to show sexy charm according to door leading role
Animal of animal of tryst of male basket team member is not danger of cummer of miracle thunderbolt young general to become animal
(Graph) does such action have the impertinence to do sth push animal of the animal on bubble of male basket team member is saying a brother?
Zhang Bo of animal of animal of appointment of full back of 81 male basket cherishs animal animal loves sweethearts as heat
Temptation of black silk of animal of animal of meeting animal animal lets secret of male basket team member unexpectedly Zhang Bo be frightened out of one's wits
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