Ladies! Complete this survey to see if you are eligible to win an exciting, romantic weekend with the fabulous, fun-filled Numbsain himself!
1. Your partner brings a friend home and suggests the three of you play a little game together. Do you...
a. Strip and shout, “Last one in’s a rotten egg!”
b. Tell him if that's what he wants, he's going to have to subdue you, tie you to a tree in the backyard, blindfolded and gagged and take you by force. Then go get the rope.
c. Throw them both out and tell them don’t come back until they have at least five more guys and they’re all wearing hard hats.
d. Get out the monopoly board and call, “Shoe!”
2. You’ve had a long day and you’re exhausted. Your partner starts pawing and kissing you all over. Do you...
a. Tell him to back off, you get enough of that at work.
b. Mace him.
c. Get so into it that a half hour later you realize you’re still in the driveway, the neighbors are watching and your car keys are imbedded into his backside.
d. Fend him off with a silver crucifix. Go in the bedroom, lock the door and masturbate with a porcelain statuette of the Virgin Mary while sobbing your eyes out.
3. You wake up to find your man fast asleep with a nocturnal stiffy. Do you...
a. Start flicking it with your finger and laughing.
b. Paint a face on it and dress it up in doll clothes.
c. Tie a string to it, dip the string in honey and hang it out the window near an ant hill.
d. Ride it until dawn shouting, “Yippeee!”
4. You’re stuck in a traffic jam and you see a cute guy in the car next to you. Do you...
a. Wink, blow him a kiss and then floor it, smashing into the car in front of you.
b. Get naked and play tiddly winks yourself to orgasm while everyone watches.
c. Grab the “club” off the floor and deep throat it for his viewing pleasure.
d. Hold up the sign you keep in your car with your phone number on it in large bold type.
5. You try something kinky to spice things up a bit, but your partners reaction is less than enthusiastic. Do you...
a. Remove the “Undulator 800” from his rear and apologize for being so forward.
b. Tell Pavel, the Bulgarian bodybuilder that you won’t be needing his services tonight.
c. Take off the Snow White costume, tell the dwarfs to stop singing, “Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work we go,” put their tights back on and wait in the living room.
d. Slow down to sixty eight mph because at sixty nine he almost ate it.
6. What turns you on more...
a. Playing paddle ball in booty shorts and a tube top.
b. Going out for a happy meal, then coming home and playing in the sprinkler.
c. Having your top fall off while riding “Gold Rusher” at Magic Mountain.
d. Being hog tied and gang banged by Mariachi band in front of a crowd in Juarez, Mexico.
7. Which type of man has the best chance of getting lucky with you...
a. Any man in uniform as long as it doesn’t say “RotoRooter” or “Orkin” on the pocket.
b. A short, greasy Italian with a glass eye and a nasty temper.
c. A burly, bearded, beer-drinking, flannel shirt wearing lumberjack named Cynthia.
d. The type that has a pulse.
8. What’s your favorite sexual memento...
a. The severed penis of your deceased ex, preserved in formaldehyde.
b. A pair of skid-marked tighty-whities from your high school crush.
c. A dog biscuit.
d. A set of your grandmothers antique doilies with cum stains on them
9. If you really liked a guy but saw he had a one inch penis. Would you...
a. Tell him you’ve never seen a bigger one...(inch penis that is).
b. Mock him mercilessly and send him away.
c. Compliment him on his gorgeous scrotum.
d. Give him an appropriately reduced rate.
10. Which best describes how you see yourself in bed
a. A sexual dynamo who can outdo any woman in all areas of pleasure giving and receiving.
b. A domineering slave driver, demanding to be serviced incessantly without ever reciprocating.
c. A passive, subservient submissive plaything with no will of her own who’ll do whatever she's asked without ever questioning her master.
d. A crazed, maniacal, jungle girl who usually leaves her partner maimed for life.
If you chose any of the answers, congratulations! You win a luxurious, all-expenses-paid-by-you weekend at your home with Numbsain!! You can have your way with him or just put him on a leash in the backyard, either way, he’s all yours!! Just email you’re name and address to Goldmind’s Unwind along with the results of your survey and we’ll tell you where to pick him up. He’s already had his shots and he’s been flea dipped and declawed!!!
disclaimer: Goldminds unwind is not responsible for any losses, damage to furniture or personal injury you may suffer as a result of letting Numbsain into your home. This offer good anywhere in the world, not void where prohibited. Use of numbsain does not constitute prostitution or slavery and no limitations apply on keeping him forever.
by Numbsain...Hey, it never hurts to try...well, maybe sometimes it hurts.
