Monday, April 13, 2009

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USED AND IRREGULAR PETS
AT DISCOUNT BUDGET PRICES
Pets Half Off with Dismembership
Were Letting All of Our Pets Go Cheap

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!!!BULK CATS!!!
All sizes, breeds and colors, sold by the pound. Guaranteed no more than 50% tabbies, 15¢ per pound, buy 400 pounds or more get a free scratchy toy.
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CARRIER PIGEONS

Carry ‘em in your pocket, in your purse, or in the glove box. only $5.95 each

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Feeder Mice—Fresh or Frozen $2.99 per lb.
Great eating for snakes, iguanas, cats, kids love ‘em too. available whole or mashed.
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Hissing Madagascar Cockroaches!
Friendly, Housebroken, Great Cuddly Countertop Companions, $10.00 each

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POPPIN’ PETS—Edible Pettables you love and eat!
• Krunchy Korean Style Kitties!
• Puppy Puffs!
• Hamsterburgers!
• Popcorn Gerbils!
• Tropical Fish Fillets!
• Turtle Tots!
• Finger Finches!
• Snackin’ Snakes!
• Toaster Geckos!
• Mice Milk (Original or reduced pulp)
• Try Our Fresh Squeezed Dog Milk & Cat Milk
• Also Dog Butter delivered daily from Doggy Dairy Farms
Try our new Breakfast Pets:
• Honey Bunches of Rats
• Mutt ‘n Honey Cereal the barking part of a complete breakfast!
Love ‘em and Scarf ‘em! See menu for prices.

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De-Euthanized Puppy & Dog Sale!

Revived from the SPCA dumpster, in cosmetically perfect condition, many with little or no brain damage, Guaranteed dead no more than five minutes, we zap ‘em back to life, they never know the difference and neither will you. Very few returns. Make perfect lap dogs, safe for small children, Great for no-bite watch dogs, Easy to train for some tricks such as: sit, play dead, or stay. HUGE SAVINGS! de-euthanized pets are great for short term pet lovers, easily put down with a sudden scare. No pacemaker fakes. Real living pets for a fraction of the cost!
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SHAVED CATS!

Mange, Fleas or Burrs—For whatever reason these perfectly good cats had to be shaved so we’re selling them as low as $2.00 ea. Ugly but cuddly, we shave ‘em and ship ‘em.
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Wont runaway or scratch the furniture. Free skate board included.

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DEAD FISH!
Specially weighted to not float at the top of the tank. Save on fish food, just hitch them up to living fish with invisible line (included) and they look alive! Daisy chain them in schools. Preserved for long “life” and durability. Kids can take them out and play with them for extended periods, then toss ‘em back!

><((((o> ><((((o> ><((((o> ><((((o> ><((((o> ><((((o>

Re-FUR-bished Pets!
• Re-Barked Dogs
• Re-Clawed Cats
• Deminiaturized Dobermans
• Unfolded Scottish Folds
• Cropped Ear and Tail Transplants
• Unspayed & Un-Neutered Breeders of all species.

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BLIND DOGS!
Be a seeing-eye person and own one of these adorable sight-free pets. Just as lovable as sighted pets but they can stay in the room during those “intimate moments” without the awkwardness of a pet watching, tilting his head, licking his chops, begging, or other embarrassing reactions to your ‘private activities’. Perfect for dating singles with fast turnaround because they won’t recognize recent exes and blow your cover. Pre-blinded or pick one of our regular dogs and we’ll blind it while you wait. Some even read braille! (also available: Hearing impaired “Dumb” dogs and olfactory impaired “Non-sniffers”

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PRODUCT TESTERS!!!
• Come down and sift through our huge bin of discarded animals that have been harmed in the making of cosmetics, pharmaceuticals, and food additives.
• Pick through the unsalvageables and find many cuddly adorable pets with only minor rashes or internal organ damage. Some may even be completely unharmed!
• Fun for the kids while you shop. You never know what you’ll find. All unsorted: we don’t check ‘em, we just collect ‘em from labs and toss ‘em in the bin.
• No returns, refunds or repairs on testers please. All sales are final, sold-by-weight “as is.”

PEPE'S PET WORLD...Where we don't feel pain the way they do!


by numbsain

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