Saturday, December 22, 2007

DAN'S DISCOUNT SURGERY EMPORIUM ...We cut into you, not your budget!


Dr. Ralph: Howdy Folks! Welcome to the Dan's Discount Surgery Emporium. Can I interest you folks in an appendectomy? We're having a special sale this week!
only $399.99! Whattaya say?

Bob: No, My appendix is fine. I just...

Dr. Ralph: But you never know when it's gonna go bad on ya and you won't find a better deal. How about you miss? Do you ever get headaches?

Julie: Oh, Occasionally.

Dr. Ralph: I highly recommend a hysterectomy! And guess what? if you get a hysterectomy today, I'll throw in the appendectomy FREE! That's an $899.99 value for just $499.99! How about it miss?

Julie: No.

Dr. Ralph: Well let me ask you this; do you have any kids?

Julie: Yes.

Dr. Ralph: Do you plan on having any more?

Julie: No.

Dr. Ralph: I really think you should try our total abdominal salpingo oopherectomy! We take it all out, the whole reproductive system. You'll feel younger, lighter (easiest 20 pounds you'll ever lose), no hormones to deal with, no hot flashes, you'll be outta here in less than an hour and it'll only cost you $899.99 We'll take care of disposal too! And, of course, we'll throw in the appendectomy free of charge.
Whattaya say?

Bob: No. My wife doesn't need that. Look, we're here because I need my foot amputated. That's all.

Dr. Ralph: You sure it's just the foot? We can do the whole leg for just an additional 39.99!

Bob: No. just the foot!

Dr. Ralph: We can take it off just below the knee for only 19.99 more or you might wanna go with our two for one special. It's a hell of a bargain and you won't find these prices anywhere. Two feet for the price of one. And the appendectomy is free as always. Lets talk about a package deal for you and your wife.

Bob: Uh, listen we're not...

Dr. Ralph:
Have you thought about being organ donors? If you donate any one of your major redundant organs, you get a $99.99 credit for any procedure on this list. and discounts on future surgeries for a whole year! You can't beat our prices anywhere.
Hey, where ya goin' folks?... Damn!

Head Doctor: Jeez Ralph! They were gonna get an amputation until you drove 'em away. You gotta stop trying to up-sell the customers.

by numbsain