Saturday, December 1, 2007

My Luncheon with Mr. Steven Hawking, by Dr. Numbsain Phd.

Numbsain: Wow! Mr. Hawking I can't tell you what an honor this is. I really appreciate you having lunch with me. (That's fine just roll him right up there) Oh, I mean, If that's okay with Mr. Hawking?

Steven Hawking: Gnyehh... gnyehh... nehhhueng

N.: What? Oh! Sorry, you need your little stick for the robo-voice. Here you go... open... wider.... now bite!... the-e-ere... got it? Go-o-od.

S.H.: Fine... that is fine... it is okay... I can do it... just let go please... thank you.

N.: Oh, okay, your fine, okay (oh I'll just have, like, a ham on rye, hold the cripplesPICKLES!!, cole slaw and maybe a vodka tonic, over and keep 'em comin' yeah, thank you.) Oh and what are you gonna have big guy... er, Mr. Hawking?

S.H.: I will have the same except without the vodka tonic...

N.: Ahah-ha-ha oh yeah... you don't want that! You got enough problems as it is, heh heh-heh...

S.H.: Bring me two Long Island Ice Teas, Doubles, thank you.

N.: Well uh-hawlright Steve! Ha-Ha-Ha oh! Can I call you Steve? Ha-Ha...

S.H.: No.

N.: AHAH-HAH-Huh? eh-heh... eh-heh... Have you eaten here before? Looks like the prices are astronomicalAHAH-HAH-HAH-HAH!!! Astro—ha ha, cuz yer, ahah-hah (oh thank you, wow that's really small. Jeez a little stingy on the ham there eh? ...Aah! Never mind, this is the guy I'm here for, Hah hah!) Well, Mr. Hawking, Uh... Sir, How did a guy like you get to be so famous?

S.H.: Well, I first gained notoriety as one of the worlds leading physicists when I showed that any expanding universe described by general relativity must begin with a singularity and, thus, a Big Bang. My theories were confirmed when... Excuse me, but I could have sworn there were two slices of ham on my sandwich a moment ago.

N.: (Chomp chomp) Huh? ...What are you talking about dude? I never saw it! (chomp chomp choff choff) Look on the floor, maybe you dropped it.

S.H.: Down there?... I don't see it. No it is not on the floor. Now I know I had... Okay, where's my bloody cheese?!

N.: What the hell!? Now you think I took yer freakin' cheese dude?...

S.H.: Do not call me dude...

N.: Whatever, I didn't take yer got damn cheese! Look, I gotta go!

S.H.: Wait just one minute there, who's paying for lunch? come back here... (excuse me coming through)... You can't get away that easily!

N.: How the hell are ya gonna catch me, go through a wormhole?!

Uh, Mr. Hawking are you ready for the check?

S.H.: gnyehh... gnyehh... ngehh-h...

Disclaimer: Goldmind's Unwind would like to apologize to anyone who finds this offensive or disrespectful to the handicapped. The fact that we would make fun of an ALS victim makes us mentally deficient so therefor its okay because: If you can't make fun of the handicapped, what good are they? Plus, these are not the views of the blogs authors. Someone forced us to post this crap at gunpoint. Personally I find it despicable but what could I do? Oh for chrissake, lighten up, the guys famous!