Sunday, February 3, 2008

You know you're having too many out-of-body experiences when...

  1. You wake up in the middle of the night and don't bother to turn on light because you know it won't work anyway.
  2. You can't decide whether to be an amorphous blob or a biped tonight.
  3. You shave before bed because you hate the way the stubble feels when you try to re-enter yourself.
  4. You can carry on a complete conversation with someone while you're fast asleep.
  5. You notice your monthly prescription for klonopin ran out 3 weeks early.
  6. You ask people if they saw you last night because you were flying over their house.
  7. You forget to open doors and try to walk through them.
  8. You feel perfectly at home in strange peoples houses, even when it's pitch black inside.
  9. You lose interest in having a sexual relationship because you have enough sex in your dreams.
  10. You test your solidity frequently by pushing your hand through solid objects.
  11. You try to get out of moving vehicles but fortunately, you usually forget to open the door.
  12. You discover a new moon orbiting Jupiter even though you don't even own a telescope.
  13. Your cat runs from you now.
Ha ha ha, sounds familiar doesn't it?

If you're like me, out-of-body experiences are as commonplace an occurrence as walking around in the desert naked on stilts. It's no wonder your friends don't tell you where they live, who wants someone coming over in the middle of the night without their body and watching them sleep. I just wish they'd invent a camera that's having an out-of-camera experience so people stop putting restraining orders on me just because I can tell them what color underwear they wore to bed last night. People are so paranoid aren't they? ...Aren't they? ...Hey where did everybody go?

by numbsain... the corporeal version.

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