Thursday, November 6, 2008

New Elements Discovered!

Periodically, scientists will discover a new element never before known and they will add it to the periodic table. Each new geological finding expands the table and all new books have to be re-printed. The periodic table started out relatively small and simple: Hydrogen, Oxygen, Nitrogen, Salt, Pepper, Sweet n’ Low—the usual condiments. Then along came Helium, Cobalt, Tabasco, A1 Sauce, Ketchup, Gold, Silver, Equal, and the table started filling up. Now recently we’ve added Uranium, Plutonium, KC Masterpiece BBQ Sauce, Accent, The crap that Emirel guy sells, Copper, Zinc, Braggs, CoffeeMate, and even Soy Sauce.

Well, the shit has really hit the fan now as 30 new elements have been identified. All as a result of one lousy meteor which landed last week—oh sorry now it’s a meteorite because it landed. If you ask me we should have blasted the damned thing back out into space and then it would be a meteoroid again.

Here are the new ones we've got to squeeze in there somewhere.


Scientists are working furiously around the clock trying to find commercial and industrial uses for these elements but so far only two have been found to be useful. Chickendelite seems to have industrial use as a coagulant for keeping milk from separating, and Inferium makes a great doorstop because of its very dense atomic weight. Of course, so would a lot of the chicks I've dated recently.

By Prof. Numbsain PhD National Scientific Institute for the Criminally Insane, Putzpuller Prize winning, Author and worlds foremost authority on Cunning Linguistics

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Probably the best blogspot I have ever had the delight to read, Thank you for the entertainment and enlightenment.
Theo Sawruss

Anonymous said...

Hey ware you gone my man? come on stand and deliver!
Dick..head of finance

numbsain said...

Jeez! I leave for one minute to go flog my whooperwhill and everybody's got their Depends® in a sniggle about it. I had to stand and deliver another kind of blobspot. But I've come up with the goods you requested. I think any self respecting jackalope should get a hearty guffaw from that piece of literary diaper wipeage.

Anonymous said...

Whats that you say, where else you go exposay yourself then?
Oh and taa muchly for the last delivery my that was a big one! a shiner as well! did he paint it that colour or is that how it came(so to speak!!!)Haw Haw
Dick..Head of finance

numbsain said...

Oh my trench coat days are long over. However I can be seen in sillouhette slowly toweling off after my evening shower behind diaphanous curtains in my front bay window on 562 N. Elm St., Riverside CA 91033 between the hours of 7 and 8 pm. I hope no one's spying on me! tee hee!