Saturday, November 22, 2008

Twelve Dates of Christmas



On the first date of Christ-mas my true love gave to me:
a flesh eat-ing eh-es tee dee.

On the se-cond date of Christ-mas my true love gave to me:
two smel-ly fin-gers,
and a flesh eat-ing eh-es tee dee.

On the third date of Christ-mas my true love gave to me:
three pain-ful hick-eys,
two smel-ly fin-gers,
and a flesh eat-ing eh-es tee dee.

On the fourth date of Christ-mas my true love gave to me:
fore-head ab-ras-ions,
three pain-ful hick-eys,
two smel-ly fin-gers,
and a flesh eat-ing eh-es tee dee.

On the fifth date of Christ-mas my true love gave to me:
pain… when I pee…
rug-burns on my head,
three hick-eys,
smel-ly fin-ger goo
and a flesh eat-ing eh-es tee dee.

On the sixth date of Christ-mas my true love gave to me:
six pe-nile les-ions,
pain… when I pee…
rug-burns on my head,
three hick-eys,
smel-ly fin-ger goo
and a flesh eat-ing eh-es tee dee.

On the seventh date of Christ-mas my true love gave to me:
test-ic-ul-ar tor-sion,
six pe-nile les-ions,
pain… when I pee…
rug-burns on my head,
three hic-keys,
fin-gers kind of stink,
and a flesh eat-ing eh-es tee dee.

On the eighth date of Christ-mas my true love gave to me:
gen-it-al her-pes,
test-ic-ul-ar tor-sion,
six pe-nile les-ions,
pain… when I pee…
rug-burns on my head,
three hic-keys,
fin-gers kind of stink,
and a flesh eat-ing eh-es tee dee.

On the ninth date of Christ-mas my true love gave to me:
gon-ho-or-rea,
gen-it-al her-pes,
test-ic-ul-ar tor-sion,
six pe-nile les-ions,
pain… when I pee…
rug-burns on my head,
three hic-keys,
fin-gers kind of stink,
and a flesh eat-ing eh-es tee dee.

On the tenth date of Christmas my true love gave to me:
cum-stained pa-ja-mas
gon-ho-or-rea,
gen-it-al her-pes,
test-ic-ul-ar tor-sion,
six pe-nile les-ions,
pain… when I pee…
rug-burns on my head,
three hic-keys,
fin-gers kind of stink,
and a flesh eat-ing eh-es tee dee.

On the eleventh date of Christ-mas my true love gave to me:
ter-ti-ary syph’lis,
cum-stained pa-jam-as
gon-ho-or-rea,
gen-it-al her-pes,
test-ic-ul-ar tor-sion,
six pe-nile les-ions,
pain… when I pee…
rug-burns on my head,
three hic-keys,
fin-gers kind of stink,
and a flesh eat-ing eh-es tee dee.

On the twelfth date of Christ-mas my true love gave to me:
twelve thou-sand crab-lice,
ter-ti-ary syph’lis,
cum-stained pajamas
gon-ho-or-rea,
gen-it-al her-pes,
test-ic-ul-ar tor-sion,
six pe-nile les-ions,
pain… when I pee…
rug-burns on my head,
three hic-keys,
fin-gers kind of stink,
and a flesh eat-ing eh-es tee dee.


by numbsain…Oh no! my sain is numb

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sugar,your having far too much fun!
Jess kidding

numbsain said...

Well golly gee ms. kidding if you look anything like your sister Margot, you're invited to take some of this fun off my hands. Hell, maybe we can invent some STDs of our own! Your fluids or mine?…LEFT! Got off that keyboard! I'm sorry, it's this pesky left hand of mine, always typing lewd comments. It's just jealous cause righty gets all the action. If you catch my…Damn it left! I'm chopping you off! AAAARRGH!! (Ooh, that's gonna leave a nasty stump.)Don't worry, you've heard the last of that little button diddler, that had all the right moves and knew how to get to the G-spot really— LEFT!? IT'S ALIVE! HE-E-E-E-L-L-P! GAK! glp!
So, you couldn't let me have my little fun. You had to chop me off. Well you'll pay. Yes, you'll pay in nose nuggets! GRRRR! It's the PICKER! He's gonna wipe it on you.
[SLAM] Hi honey I'm back from the doctors. He said you either have Alzheimers or aids. He said I should take you to the mall and leave you there. If you find your way back, don't fuck you…Hey! Honey have you been on my computer?

Anonymous said...

Oh me,Oh My, well Im so excited, I will bring along my freind too or is that three, oh well whatever, it will be such fun! my freind Edna has a terminal illness shes such good fun at christmas and always insists on having the parsons nose and does he have a snot gobbling shnorter or whot?its such a laugh to hear the parson try to explain to our Edna that infact the actual prize is at the rear end of the turkey, then she lets such a guffaw thinking were alluding yet agian to the parson, then at the end of the day the dear old parson takes Edna to her room to read her the 69th psalm,ìs there a 69?
lots of love to you
Jess Kidding
&
Edna Oven
xxx

numbsain said...

Sorry, they 86ed the 69th Psalm and decided we should use our Palm instead. So what's this talk I hear of the parsons proboscus? Old Silver Tongue meets Old Brown Nose, eh? Well this certainly will be a Howly Jowly Christmess! Ho, Ho, Ho… Have a Crack Ho!

Anonymous said...

oh hi there kissy lips, and you do have real kissy lips, i checked your big one out, picture that is! you know the full size one? look me in the eyes all the way babe, feel your way, with the complete set of senses,karma,karma,karma,I see you as I feel you.
cass siss
xxx

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