NORMALINE the new wonder drug

Tired of those dark circles around the eyes making you look tired?


Do you get dry, cracking lips and recurring dry mouth?


Does your scalp itch and flake causing unsightly dandruff?


Are you plagued by frequent migraine headaches and sore, stiff neck?


Do you have chronic depression, fatigue, severe pain when urinating?


Is your body covered with a bright red rash that burns, itches and peels?


Do you have seizures, feel suicidal or have psychotic episodes?


Tired of waking up screaming, foaming at the mouth and bleeding from all orifices?


Wandering out in the graveyard every full moon, with 3 inch fangs and claws, covered with blood, eating dead bodies getting you down?


Do you dread it whenever you turn into a giant werewolf-like beast and go on wild killing sprees, slaughtering dozens of people in cold blood?



Aren't you a little fed up with transforming into a hideous, blood-thirsty lizard creature and terrorizing the entire city, goring and killing people and destroying everything in your path?



Have you had it up to here with becoming possessed by the devil himself and having your body temperature rise to millions of degrees causing you to spontaneously explode with the force of a 7000 megaton atom bomb, vaporizing the entire planet?


If so, maybe it’s time you tried NORMALINE®

Just two NORMALINE® if used as directed can help calm your urges, curb your appetite and help you sleep more peacefully making you a better person. NORMALINE® has been scientifically proven safe and effective against these unpleasant symptoms and test subjects showed no side effects.



Ask your doctor or pharmacist about NORMALINE® today and get your life back to normal before it’s too late and you destroy the entire known universe.

by numbsain pharmaceuticals... better living through not dying!

New Designer Drug—Bane or Boon?

Drugs: America's biggest concern, second only to: war, inflation, global warming, trans fat, immigration, gas prices, fitness and Britney Spears kids. And the latest new drug craze that everyones talking about, the trendy new fad that's sweeping the nation, winning the hearts of drug enthusiasts of all ages from coast to coast is an exciting new mind altering adventure for the whole family called "SPANK!"

SPANK (Sodium Pentatholic Acetyl Niacinamidenated Kelpanol) is a topically absorbed combination mild hallucinogenic, mind altering, euphoria inducing, energy enhancing, inhibition inhibiting, muscle relaxing, sexual enhancing and stress reducing narcotic that has no unpleasant side effects, presents no health risks, feels great and costs just pennies per dose! Safe for children, pets and the elderly, SPANK is "swatted" directly onto the bare skin of any part of the body and immediately gives you a killer rush that makes you feel like a million bucks. it's Inexpensive to make and easy to take, anytime, anywhere! Even while driving! Spank actually increases alertness so you drive better!

Sound too good to be true? Wait, that's not all; SPANK is non-addictive, non-fattening, low carb, low sodium and transfat free! Plus SPANK is so new that it's not even illegal yet!

SPANK can be purchased anywhere kids or adventurous adults hang out. Just walk up to anyone who looks like they feel good and say: "Psst, know where I can cop a dime bag of SPANK?" Chances are you'll be high as a kite in no time and a dime will last you a month! So what are you waiting for? Don't be a fuddy-duddy, swat some SPANK today! Just listen to these testimonials...

“I've got a corporate job and I need something to give me that edge. I tried heroin, meth, coke, pot, crack, alcohol, tse-tse fly extract, even PCP but they were all expensive, socially unacceptable and they interfered with my productivity. Then my secretary came in to my office one day and said, "Drop trou' J.B." Of course my pants were at my ankles before she finished saying "B." I admit I was a little skeptical when she said, "turn around and bend over" but before I could even say "harder" I got the SPANK rush and I was hooked!”

J.B. Crandall
CEO, Lockheed Corporation

"I was a crack ho out in Hunters Point, living trick to trick, barely making ends meat. I looked like shit and business was down. Then one day Hang-Twelve took me over his knee for my daily disciplining, only this time he swatted some SPANK all up on my booty and my life changed after that. Now I get them high class johns!"

Queesha Hamilton
Hi-Class Call Girl

"I'm 5 and a half. My mommy and daddy work all day long and they don't have time to do nothing with me anymore. They leave me with Miss Lisa, she's our house keeper, babysitter and my daddy's girlfriend when mommy's not around. One day when I was bad she spanked me and it made me really happy and I went to my room and played quietly for hours. We figured out that she still had some SPANK on her hand when she smacked my bottom and that's why I was good. So now she hits me up with SPANK everyday and we get along great!"

Bobby Culpepper
Kid

"I live in a seniors home and it's so boring I often would contemplate my passing with eagerness. Then one of the ladies from bingo swatted a little SPANK on my arm and now I'm spry as a spring chicken. I've even gotten busy with a few of the orderlies and I must say I gave those young bucks a run for their money too... well, actually it was my money, but what the heck, ya can't take it with ya!"

Gladys Persimmons
Doddering old biddy

To order your free trial size sample of SPANK send $3.95 (Includes Postage and Handling) to:
SPANK
463 Wildwood Lane
Roanoke, Virginia 24028

by numbsain