Monday, October 27, 2008


Ass in picture is not actual size. To show actual size would require a forklift.

I had just dropped my girlfriend off at the Bawdy Shoppe, a strip club where she currently holds a position as CEF (Customer Erections Facilitator) and I decided to go out for a little something different tonight. I hightailed it over to the local girly bar, “Deja Phew” (which I believe is french for “been there, smelled that”). Upon entering the establishment and taking a good look at the decor, ambiénce, and feng shui of the layout, my first thought was “Pussy! Yummy nums!” I watched a girl writhe around on stage contorting her naked body to allow maximum viewing of every cran and nookie. I found myself strangely intrigued by the openings into her body even though I'm certain I would not find the same fascination with the various organs, glands and digestive tubing that I would find inside. So why all the fuss about the entrances to places you have no desire to enter? But all that was about to change.

Then “she” walked out onto the stage. Her name was Nacy or Maty or something like that. My jaw dropped to the floor and suddenly there was nothing to hold my tongue in my mouth. My tongue unraveled onto the floor and lay there like a wet fish. Drool was gushing from my gaping maw and soon my teeth began falling out followed by my palette which was all that held my brain in my head. Thus, it too hit the floor with a wet splat.

I think she noticed me and was charmed by my inability to conceal the fact that I fancied her. I sat there desperately trying to scoop up all my head cheese and stuff it back into my skull in roughly the right places when she sauntered over to my side of the stage. Well it wasn't really my side but I was over there first so I guarded it like a kitten guards its nipple. Just to be safe I decided to put a down payment on it and scattered some denominations around. She thought they were for her, not realizing that I would never insult a woman of such class, breeding and sophistication as she buy insinuating that she could be bought for any price.

To show me her appreciation she proceeded to wrap her long, sexy, tan, curvacious scarf around my eager, drooling, googly-eyed chair. Then she straddled my face with her gorgeous, perky, bouncing, bodaciously abundant 38dd lips! I could almost smell her upper digestive tract as she panted heavily into both ears at once and swirled her long, dangling, wet, snake-like tongue around in my eagerly flared nostrils. My sinuses have never been clearer and I was feeling like a madman all around trying to find her toes.

Suddenly she scooted up the long slender slippery slimy brass pole like a squirrel trying to escape a little kid with a BB gun, and in one swell fwoop, careened right back down full speed, plunging her dainty, delicate little tootsie toes into my open mouth and continued down my esophagus till they reached the bottom where they danced momentarily atop my lunch which was eagerly awaiting to be fully digested by the powerfully corrosive hydrochloric acid in my stomach. My superhuman, convulsively forceful gag reflex caused my esophagus to churn masterfully in reverse parastalsis causing me to violently regurgitate her feet and part of her tibia out onto the eagerly awaiting stage.

Then the light of Heaven shone down upon me and a chorus of cherubim, who have never been sodomized by a single Catholic priest, sang a chord of such beauty that it brought a tear to every eye in the house as my fertility Goddess of the sordid stage made a 180 degree turn on her 14 inch spiked heel and exposed, in all its resplendent abundance, her gloriously expansive, miraculously ample, masterfully sculpted, furtively jiggling, bulbous cloven tushy!

There wasn't a dry seat in the house! I had to have her right then and there! I ripped off my clothes in one gulp and shot my body like a cannon up onto the stage and with all 4 inches of my massive, erect, tumescent projectile commenced to give my queen the boinking of her life and didn't stop for...oh jeez, it must have been a good 3 and a half seconds (my worlds record to date) at which point I ruptured into a rhapsodic fireworks display of orgasm, volcanically spewing my molten lava and ash high into the eagerly waiting atmosphere, sending tidal wave-like paroxisms of rapture coursing mightily throughout every fiber of her voluptuously grateful being, probably. And then in all of an instant we went helplessly limp and collapsed in mid air, plummeting to Earth and landing in a spent, euphoric, steamy, mucilaginous pile with a dull thud.

The crowd went insane and we were both dragged off the stage by the biggest, burliest, manliest, muscle-boundliest bouncer the world has ever been given the bums rush by. She was rushed to the hospital, and I was booted headlong like a winning field goal that went slightly too far to the left into the back alley where my flesh was consumed by rats the size of pitbulls and my bones were crushed to a fine bonemeal by hyperactive pitbulls who have been injected with methamphetamines!

Wow what a night!

by numbsain...he likes to have his kicks in the groin.


Anonymous said...

My dearest darling duck,
I send you this to suck,
cuase one dint do I sent you two! My dearest darling duck

numbsain said...

My fearless farling…uh, quail,
I'm slower than a snail,
No faster though my escargot
My fearless farling…uh, quail,

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