Goldmind's Unwind

STOLEN LETTERS
From the United States Postal Service



We have a tradition at Goldmind's Unwind where every milennium we steal a random letter from the post office and post it on the blog. You'd be amazed at how stupid some of these letters are. Here's this millenniums pick.
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Hi Naomi!
It’s been so long! I thought I'd update you! On everything new! and exciting! in my life! Well, spring is here again! And I'm knee deep in love! Their names are Louie! and Rickie!! They're conjoined twins!!! And they're connected at the back!!!! Wow!!!•\ ¡/*—·_.··. . . . ... (Shit@ I just broke my exclamation mark key) Anyway, I think they might really be the two% They're quite affluent but I love them for who they are$ (Look, just assume I'm really excited). They're so attentive and one of them is always emotionally available. I know it’s real because when I put my arms around one of them I feel a connection.

They do have their differences, Louie is a morning person and goes jogging at 6 am but Rickie likes to sleep in so I got louie a treadmill and turned it on its side. We're always together and all that attention is a bit much but at least they have their shit together so I get a little time to myself. It's tough for them being conjoined at the back but God was good to them and they're both oriented the same way. We’re taking ballroom dance classes every Wednesday. It’s not easy when your partner has two left feet. But they have two right feet too so I know they’re stable.

I'd draw you a picture but every time I do I feel I'm being disrespectful. I think it's my cartoony drawing style. The only big problem is the separation thing. You see, they felt they had to get in touch with their own kind so they moved to Siam. I may move there too. Partly to be with them, and also because I like being in different, unfamiliar surroundings and in Siam, I am.

Other good news I'm pregnant (damn, I sure could have used that exclamation mark key right there) with ideas for my new business. One is to open a Mexican fish market where everyone is Mexican and it really smells fishy inside and we'll have the little eyes on all the fish, (I'll have to find out where you get those) and everyone speaks Mexican so it really has that ethnic feeling to it. It’ll be called “Marisco’s Mexican Fish” Won't that be cute?

I'm also thinking of an internet cafe where people can log on and drink virtual coffee and have E-scones and E-clairs. Anyway I'm off to my LOL therapy session. The therapist is a recovering stand up comedian who was so dead pan that he hit bottom and then he developed LOL (I wasn’t laughing because he developed, I was saying he developed LOL…Like LOL is what he developed). It’s based on the old saying, “laughter is the best medicine.” Now he helps others with LOL therapy. It’s fun; we do a lot of lolling around and if we’re good we get lollypops but I want to go while there’s a loll in traffic.

Write soon, and any other words you can think of, Love Mom

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Isn't that the stupidest letter you've ever read? Thanks for visiting and come back again real soon y'hear? Y'hear? ARE YOU STILL HERE?