Saturday, March 8, 2008

Bush Gets Busted

A White house security guard see’s a light on in the oval office late one night. He goes to check it out and catches George W. sitting behind the desk.

SG. Oh! Mr. President, I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were in here. I saw the lights on and I...

GWB: Its okay, no cost for alarm, I was just makin’ some after-davids for my next turn of when I'm president...again. I got some really smart, um, things, about how to spend all the money this time. My dad said, this turn, I can make everybody do my ideas cause these are real good ideas for the world to do and I’m gonna have another turn to be president for REAL this time ...

SG. Uh Mr. President, you’re not going to have another—

GWB: Wait! wait waitwaitwaitwait WAIT! I wanna tell my ideas, okay? Now first, here’s a list of the countries who I want to make them have a war with us 'cause I think these will be really easy countries asses to kick... their ass...
China, Bulimia, Italia, New Jersey, Siam, Africa, Belgia, Alaska, Lesbia—

SG. Uh, Lesbia sir?

GWB: YES! Lesbia! Where Condalleezza is from, stupid... Duh! and I’m not done. BE QUIE-E-T! I’m talking, do you mind? Okay now... oh! And I wanna fight in one of ‘em and I think I wanna fight in the New Jersey war 'cause that’s an important one to win. But I'm gonna have a Teminator costume. Cause I don’t want any bullets to touch me. I’m too important of a person to get shot to...this country. Can the Terminator get hit by one of our really big bombs and still live?

SG. That, I don’t know sir... which bombs do you mean?

GWB: You know like the big nu-cue-lar ones. Like they wouldn’t let me use when we blowed up the world tra— Oops Hee hee I didn’t say it! nope, I almost said it but I didn’t, I’m not no stupid dummy...Heh heh. Whoo! that was a close one. I almost said I blew up the whirl train center... What? I didn’t say it I said “ whirl train” center. Hahaha gotcha! But I want a terminator costume that can have a really big bomb get on it and I won’t feel a thing! I’ll be all: “Oh what’s that tickle? Oh it’s just a nu-cue-lar bomb.” and like, I won’t even have a scratch.

SG. Okay Mr. President, I really have to g—

GWB: NO! no,no,no, I’m not done yet! This is the good part! This is the good part! I’m gonna have a new tax just for third-world countries where they have to pay half of all their money to me, JUST to me, cause, cause, cause I never get any money myself. I don’t like it that I’m the president but I can’t hold the money. I’m tired of my dad and them getting all the money and I don’t ever get...Like, like a lot of money that’s MY money, just for me. So I’m just gonna get my own tax money that goes right to me. I mean I’m supposed to be the president, but I don’t get money? No! I need money too y’know. It’s not fair. I’m the president so I can do whatever I want, and I wa—


GWB: SHIT! It’s my dad! Shhhh!

SG: I was just leaving sir.


GWB: Nothin.’ The security guy said I could.

GB Sr: Well, get back to your room or I’ll have that surgeon make your eyes even closer together. Make you look even stupider! Ha ha ha!

GWB: Wait, you had a surgeon make my eyes closer together? To make me look stupider? Why, dad!? (sniff) I didn’t wanna look s-stupider, daddy! (sniff snuck) Is that why I had that really bad headache? (Sniffle) Wait a minute! Dad? Is that how my wee-wee got even smaller!?


GWB: OKAY! okay... Geez dad, my wee-wee? Why’d you—

GB Sr: THAT’S ENOUGH GEORGE! It was just a little practical joke! (Snicker) Can’t you take a joke you little sissy? (Psha-hah-ha-ha) Ahem, NOW GO TO YOUR ROOM! I’m all done with Laura.

GWB: Dad! I thought you said you were only gonna fool around with the twins!

GB Sr: Dammit George! Do you remember what I did to you when you were five? You want me to remind you?

GWB: NO! No, th-that’s okay, daddy I’ll go but... but...I cant!

GB Sr: Why not George?

GWB: Da-a-a-ad, I don’t have any hm-hm-hm hmm-hm hmm, can you just go and I’ll go up in a minute.

GB Sr: NO! You don’t have any what?

GWB: I don’t have pajama bottoms on.

To be discontinued...

by numbsain

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