Saturday, March 15, 2008

Self Help Techniques I've Tried

by numbsain

Transcend Dental Meditation

I have a horrendous tooth ache and I can't stop thinking about it. The pain is not the problem, That's what I had a fifth Jack Daniels, 4 Vicidin, 25 excedrin, a dime bag of heroin, and 7 tubes of anbesol every 4 hours for.

Let's see, at a street value of $117.59 six times a day for three days, if I had suffered and saved the money I could have had one and a half a root canals done and a cap put on. 4 out of 5 dentists surveyed recommend I shoot myself.

If I could just put it out of my mind and ignore the pain, it wouldn't be so bad, but I keep thinking it's a warning of something else, some bigger problem, like a brain tumor.

If I lost my teeth I could go on a liquid diet but if I lost my brain, I just couldn't imagine... I mean, it would be unthinkable... I'd have no idea... I just don't even want to think about it... Gotta just put that out of my mind... Hey, It works!

Aero Bic Exercise, Progressive Resistance Training, Spinning, Kick Boxing

I've been tossing my pen up in the air and catching it. Personally I don't see any results. Is that what they mean by sky writing?

I used to resist training. Over the years, my resistance to it has progressed and now I despise it. Then they said, "free weights" so I took them all to the edge of the forest, released them and said, "RUN! GO BE WITH YOUR OWN KIND! I'M NO GOOD FOR YOU! They just sat there for days. I think, once you remove them from nature, they become dependent on man.

Spinning makes me too dizzy. Someone told me,"kick boxers, stay in shape.” So I started wearing tighty whiteys. It doesn't make a damn bit of difference.

When I go to work and pass out at my desk, my boss complains. So I don't work out any more.


I didn't know why this was important but when I did it, I realized that, during the course of a day, I counted 246 racial slurs that I, alone made! When I added in all the racial slurs everyone else had made during that day, it brought that number to a whopping 247! Now I know why they said, "count slurs." I tells you something about people and how screwed up they are in general.

Get a Psychic Reading

I said, "okay what have I got to lose?" I packed up all the old literature I didn't want anymore, and brought it all down to Madam Trixie's Psychic & Occult Shoppe. I told her I thought it would do us both a lot of good if she would read them.
She said she wasn't going to read Hustler but there was a copy of "Brave New World" in there that she'd take a look at. I wonder why she was only into the sick stuff.
In any case I guess I felt kind of good about myself after doing it. I just dropped the box with the rest of the stuff off at the nearest high school. I figured reading is good for kids too.

Pro Teen Diet, At Kin’s Diet

I'm sorry, I'm not eating kids! I don't care if they're professionals or not. On the other hand, I have no problem with only eating at my relatives houses. In fact, that's what I do already.


Many have improved their lives with the help of Yoga, for over 900 years. So I figured there must be a reason. And this was the answer I got from him,
“If for yourself, the help you seek is, then from yourself the help, seek you, must be.”

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