Tuesday, March 11, 2008

The Banned/Not Banned book list.

(Continuing our crusade to protect your freedom and bring awareness to your lives, we here at Goldmind's unwind have collected the great banned/not banned book list. For every banned book that you cannot get your fingers on here for various reasons, we offer you a feasible counterpart that you can read with pleasure and depravity while thumbing your nose at the government)

1. Banned- Uncle Tom's Cabin- Harriet Beecher Stowe- Banned for promoting stereotypes about African Americans, this literary classic of the civil war era is no longer attainable.

Not Banned- Uncle Joe's bedroom- Colon Polker- still available as an "Adam and Eve" pocket reader, this literary "classic" will never be banned as doing so would set off a flurry of protests from gay activists everywhere.

2. Banned- Where's Waldo-2nd edition- Banned by overprotective parents everywhere, one of the illustrations depicts Waldo himself standing suggestively behind a man bending over to tie what appears to be his shoe. The graphic nature of this photo apparently threatened to scar our children permanently, so drastic action was required.

Not Banned- Where's Crackho?-Marion Berry- Also illustrated, this children's book, drawn in a drug induced haze by Mr. Berry himself, cannot be banned because it's existence is still in debate. It is known that 40 prints of the book were made and passed out to various street hustlers, but the trail disappears there. Apparently, like the hard to find "crackho", this book will be difficult to locate....:)

3. Banned- Catcher in the Rye- J.D. Salinger- Another literary classic banned from schools and many public shelves for it's dicey content. Wouldn't want that dangerous classic literature warping our minds!!!

Not Banned- Punch Her in the Eye- Ike Turner- This non fiction classic teaches the average blue collar Joe how to keep his marriage running like a well oiled machine. And his wife running like a kicked puppy. Visit Barnes and Noble today!

4. Banned- The Joy of Sex-Alex Comfort- This instructional book, expressing freedom and maturity in the act of lovemaking, was deemed vulgar and subsequently banned. The photography that was included may have been the deal breaker.

Not Banned- Sex with Joy- Karen Dyke- This instructional book, expressing freedom and passionate lesbian lovemaking was deemed vulgar and subsequently purchased by every man who could stop by the bookstore without his wife. The photography that was included may have been the deal maker.

5. Banned-Lord of the Flies-William Golding- For it's controversial use of the word "nigger", this book was banned first in Canada and then in some US schools, despite Golding winning the nobel prize in literature. Proving, of course, that societally speaking, it's amazing that we all know how to wipe ourselves when we shit.

Not Banned- Lord of the Fries- Steve Goob- This book, though similiar in title to the above, is instead about a day in the life of an average fry cook. It did not win the nobel prize. In fact, no one has read it. Which is probably why it's not banned. But SHOULD anyone read it, they will find several provacative references to "grease", "oil", and "transfats". Rooowrrr.

Check these out ladies and gentlemen! Let us know what you think!

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