Sunday, March 23, 2008

LIVE NUDE GIRLS! [not dead ones]

My Girlfriend got a job at a strip club. She looked hot up there on stage wiping down the pole and mopping the floor before the show. She’s the janitor and also the cashier, but the manager told her she should dance. Then he started shooting at her feet cause the register came up short, but she swears, she’s innocent. Of course, she stole the money, but compared to those shameless, little skanky-ass, crack-ho pussy-peddling, hoochies up on the stage, she's really innocent.

What I like about her working there is, I get to go in and see the show. I have to pay twenty bucks just like everybody else, but at least they let me in now. So I go in there with my wad of cash. It’s a ‘Compton wad’ but you can’t tell it’s all ones when I whip it out. So I’m acting like Sir Pimp-a-lot (that's what they used to call me in school, but spelled differently) with my rent money all in ones, waving it around. This chick on stage crawls over to me and starts shakin' her butt in my face so to show my appreciation, I toss a few dimes and nickels on the stage. So she lets one rip. Then she swings around on the pole and knocks out my tooth. I’m like WOW, baby, more!

Then this girl asks me if I’d like a lap dance. I said, “I’ve got two left feet.” She says “You don’t use your feet for this kind of dance.” So we go into a private booth and I grab her. She slaps the shit out of me and says, “You don’t use your hands either.” I said “Let’s see, no feet, no hands...what do I use?” I say. “Up your time, hopefully.” She says “So what do I get when my time is up?” I query, inquisitively, in the form of a question to which she replied. “Lost.”

So she’s grinding on my lap and I’m begging her to screw me. Finally she say’s, “Okay give me $400 bucks up front and I’ll screw you.” So I hand her my whole wad. She says, “Thanks, you just got screwed.” and walks out.

That really bothered me. Boy was I hot. But I was also really hot and bothered. So I went and got my girlfriend and told her to quit her job. She agreed and we left. When we got home, I asked her to screw me. She said, “Okay but could you get me a glass of water first?” I said, “Oh no, I’m not falling for that one again.” But then she asked me real nice, so I went and got it for her. I handed her the glass and she threw it in my face and said, “Now if Foxy had done that, we’d still be able to pay the rent, you jerk.

I got even with Foxy and all
the other strippers by calling
the police department about
a bomb in the dressing room.
They all had to evacuate the
place and walk home without
their clothes. Hah, made 'em
all walk down the street half
nekkid like the ho's they is!

By numbsain...He's not really as bad as he portrays himself.

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