[RATED R] DO NOT READ TO CHILDREN! If you are under 18, leave at once. These rhymes are immature humor intended for mature audiences and describe adult situations in a childish way that could be damaging to young impressionable minds. (They are okay for children under 3—4 month old as they just hear "blah blah blah" anyway and it's your soothing tone that they are responding to. At that age you could be reading Hustler and they wouldn't know the difference, but don't let them see the pictures because that's what happened to me.)
Jack Blatz
Jack Blatz could eat no cats,
His wife could eat no dong,
And frankly, between you and me,
Their marriage wont last long.
Peter Cheater
Peter, Peter lousy cheater,
Had a wife until he beat her.
She refused to pay his bail,
and so they kept his ass in jail.
Old Mother Wheeler
Old mother wheeler went to the dealer,
To score her old man a dime.
But to her despair, the po-lice were there,
And now they both have to do time.
Little Miss Muff
Little Miss Muff lay in the buff,
On her front porch all day.
Along came a masher, wanting to thrash ‘er,
Said Little Miss Muff; “No Way!”
Jack and Jill
Jack thought Jill was on the pill
and so, all night, he boffed her.
Jill was not and so they got
the one for the morning after.
Patty Faked
Patty Faked, Patty Faked or-gas-um.
Shaked and quaked with zeal and aplomb.
She sold it and sold it and shouted with glee,
And threw a hissy fit, but never fooled me.
Little Boy Blue
Little Boy Blue come blow your horn.
The sheep in the meadow look better than porn.
Where is that boy when he should be asleep,
he's out in the pasture tupping the sheep.
by numbsain
