Thursday, January 17, 2008

Oyster Chat

Molly: Hey Shelly, you look blobby today.

Shelly: Oh shucks Moll' thanks. I've been extracting more calcium lately. You're looking rather wrinkled and slimy yourself. Are you still dating that mussel?

Nah. He and this scallop on Shoreline at High tide the knot. How about you Pearl?

Well I let this guy into my shell and of coarse he let a grain of sand in...

Shelly: Oh how irritating!

Pearl: Oh tell me about it. He turned out to be shooter for the lob. I swear, no more lobsters.

Molly: So what did you do about the sand?

Pearl: What could I do, I covered it with nacre and made an irregular black, take a look.

Well at least its irregular.

Pearl: Yeah, so after that I said: “bye bi-valve...”

Molly: Shh! Clam up Pearl. Here comes your mother.

I can't believe that's the mother-of-pearl, look at all those colors?

Pearl: Every one in the rainbow. Yeesh!

Molly: So garish!

Oh look girls here comes a human female! Ooh! she's skinny dipping!

Pearl: Oh how beautiful! Oh my, she's going to sit right down on top of me, I'm blessed!

Molly: Aaaaaah! Oh, it's magnificent!

Oooooh! Such beautiful creatures! look at that!

Pearl: Oh the aroma is intoxicating! Right now girls, the world is my human!

Shelly: Do they all look like that?

Molly: Not at first but when they get older they really start to blossom.

Pearl: Oh. just look at those wrinkles and folds... just gorgeous.


Pearl: Oh listen Shelly, it's no use. Barnacles are just a part of life.

Molly: Yeah look at all mine.

Pearl: Oh they're not so bad, with the seaweed you hardly notice 'em.

Shelley: I suppose.

Oh, looks like low tide. G'night girls, don't wake up on the half shell next to a lemon wedge.

by numbsain

Editors note: This is in no way meant to demean, demoralize or make fun of oysters... Um... What am I talking about? Of course it's meant to make fun of those stupid little slimy bi-valve retards of the sea! They're disgusting and I would never eat one. They're raunchy, nasty, bottom feeders filled with poisons and parasites extracted from the disgusting ocean water. And they're NOTHING like women, who ever said that was a moron and aphrodisiac? Puh-leeese.