1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, for I don't want anyone to think we're together.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.
3. Its always darkest before dawn. So that's the best time to steal your neighbor's newspaper.
4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet .
7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
8. Before you judge someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away and you have their shoes
9. If at first you don't succeed, hide the evidence that you tried.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and it will take all day before he can eat
11. If you lend someone $20 and never see them again, you got a deal.
12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield .
14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them .
15. A closed mouth gathers no foot .
16. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together .
17. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works .
18. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving .
19. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
20. When nothing works, keep doing nothing.
compiled, transcribed and edited by numbsain
