Tuesday, January 1, 2008

ARTFELT ...Thee Definitive Showcase for Premiere Artists

(Pretentious Classical Music/Reluctant Applause)

Forth Prissard: And... a pleasant hello to...you. I'm Forth Prissard... ...and with me is the distinguished... art critic, Maury Gauntlet. Welcome... to Artfelt.

On this,... the... first Tuesday of the month, Artfelt presents... to... you, the audient, an extrawd'nry body of work that has... resuscitated the dichotomy between the schismatic vortex prevalent among the anthropolitical bourgeoisie and post modernist anticreativist movement. Maury, what has.... this body of work... insinuated to... you?

Maury Gauntlet:
Ohuew Forth, I am deeeeeply congruous with this body of work and its perspicacity into the paradigm of introspective post-cataclysmic neo-reconstructivism which has set the tableau for precedent smashers such as Gruesh, Frudet, Poraschk, Albrought and Cleszmilch just to name a few off the top of my head, however I—

Forth Prissard:
Indeed! I'm just... resonating with that on a very entropiezic level.

Maury Gauntlet:
I've heard you say that before, (though I can't say I am impressed.)

Forth Prissard:
Beg pardon?

Maury Gauntlet: Nothing...

Forth Prissard:
Well timing... would dictate... we give our audient benefit of a look.
Let's welcome now, if you will, René Bourgi.


Forth Prissard: Ahhhh! You are René Bourgi... It is such a momentous occasion,
do...sit. ...Tell us about... your vision, your ebullience, your ferocity...

René Bourgi: Well...

Forth Prissard: How does.... René Bourgi experience the oneness...

René Bourgi:

Forth Prissard:
...that is...within...

René Bourgi:

Forth Prissard: ... all of us...

René Bourgi: I... feel this body of work represents a right of passage, if you will, from—

Forth Prissard: Fascinating! That is... remarkable but ...you know quite frankly I'm bored with all the rhetoric! Art, after all, is a visual form and I think we as an audient have heard enough hype. I've been told you've brought the latest piece from this body of work. May we see it now...please?

René Bourgi: This is it.

Forth Prissard: (Gasp) The stand?

René Bourgi: Yes, the stand itself.

Forth Prissard:
The display stand for the featured work IS your art?

René Bourgi: Yes, th—

Forth Prissard: YES! YES! YES! I SEE IT! YES!... Augh! I'm floored... Augh! Such a bold statement of anti-conventionalism, minimalism taken to the next level, a reversal into a conceptual antithesis of the artists vision! Augh! ...Exemplary.

René Bourgi: Thank you.

Forth Prissard: Thank you?! Ah hah hah hah, I should be thanking you, this is earth shattering!
A true masterwork! ...How,... tell us will you, how did you prodyuce this work?

René Bourgi: I didn't.

Forth Prissard: (Gasp) What?

René Bourgi:
I came here with my vision and my reputation, when I sat down, I saw the stand... as art.

Forth Prissard: YES! YES! YES! YES! NO, I do see it! I do! I do! Augh! Fantastic!
Now we do have many prestigious collectors and curators in our viewance. What kind of a priceNOT THAT YOU CAN put a price on work of this importance, I mean, it should be part of a permanent collection in a major instityution, certainly! But what are you asking for... it?

René Bourgi:
What did you pay for the stand?

Forth Prissard: Oh, twenty dollars, I believe.

René Bourgi: $400,020.00 ...I have to charge for materials.

Forth Prissard: (Gasp!) Augh! ...Augh!

René Bourgi:

Forth Prissard:
It's a mere pittance!!! For a piece of this magnitude?! This is a milestone!

René Bourgi: Exa-a-actly.

Forth Prissard: Augh! Well we're... out of time... Thank you all for tuning in to Artfelt. Have a pleasant... goodnight. (Augh! exemplary... Just... Augh!...)

Artfelt has been sponsored, in part, by the National Endowment for the Arts and by...
the Foundation for Funding Pretentious Bullshit. FFPB ..."Can you say: the Emperors new robes?"

by numbsain "...The premiere fun-maker of pompous, pretentious, posers prentending to promote prestigious people but are really preposterous publishers of poo-poo"