Saturday, January 26, 2008

So Much for the Next Generation...

Captain's Log: Stardate 4069.5.14. The ship has entered an unusual Nebula type thingy in a distant part of the galaxy. There's a very queer but absolutely gorgeous radiation field in this sector which is causing my entire crew to exhibit strange behavior but it's also casting a stunning teal green hue on the bridge which really brings out the color of my eyes. Side note: Sulu's been wearing his trousers a lot tighter and it's starting to be a distraction.

Kirk: Heading Mr. Sulu?

Sulu: Uh, I'm a little busy at the moment, why don't you have a seat right here, make yourself nice and comfy, and have a look see for yourself?

Spock, If your not too, too busy, could you be a dear and have a little chit chat with Sulu? He's getting awfully testy with me and it hurts my feelings. Maybe use one of your mind mold thingies, hm?

Spock: Captain, I think you can handle this, be firm but logical and just use your words to tell him how you feel.

Kirk: Dammit, Spock don't question my orders.

Spock: Whatever, no need to get your panties all crinkled.

Kirk: Uhuru! I LOVE that look on you girlfriend, where did you buy your hair?

Uhuru: Uh, you mean who's my stylist?

Kirk: Oh, whatever, (bitch). Oh, Scotty, I just had my bikini wax and I don't want stubble. Do you think maybe we could go a little faster? Warp 45 or something?

Scotty: Captain I kinna werk oonder these conditions, Oh beggorah! I've brookin anoother nail! (sob) I'll be in the loo!

Kirk: Bones, do something. I'm feeling very ineffectual.

McCoy: Hey, welcome to my world Jimmy. I'm just an old country fag, not a life coach. Either ya got it, or ya don't.

Checkov: EEEEEEEEK! Oh, Captain look! it's those horrible Romulins, sir. They're coming out of the closet!

Kirk: You mean "uncloaking?"

Checkov: Whatever, they still scare me.

Kirk: All power to the shields.

Checkov: Ooh! He's penetrated our shields, sir!

Uhuru: I'm receiving visual, Captain.

Sulu: Oh my, He looks cute when he's mad!

Checkov: And that matching sash and shrug with the little tassels look fabulous!

Uhuru: Shall I patch a two way visual?

Kirk: Don't you dare! My make-up is a mess!

Romulin Commander: Kirk, don't make me boldly go where just about every man in the galaxy has gone before.

Kirk: Promises, promises commander. You think you've got what it takes?

Romulin Commander: Better question is: can you take what I've got?

Kirk: Only one way to find out: My quarters in five... I'll be waiting!

Romulin Commander: Bring your pointy eared friend and it's a deal.

Kirk: You heard the man Spock.

Spock: Oh the things I do for the Federation.

Kirk: Oh and Spock, slip into something more comfortable.

Spock: Yoohoo, Ensign Pierce?

Ensign Pierce: On the double, Sir!

The Next Morning...

Captain's log: Stardate 4069.5.15. Peace negotiations with the Romulins were exhausting but... fruitful. We've left the Nebula and things are getting back to normal...

Kirk: Just look at this bridge! It's a mess! Sulu, button your uniform! What happened to the slip covers I put on these chairs! Listen up people; I want this bridge looking a lot tidier but I also want it to have a certain warmth. Neat yet homey and rustic. Alrighty then, Helmsman, ahead warp factor... oh, whatever, something brisk!

And some things never change.

by numbsain